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  • Writer's pictureArchuleta A. Chisolm

How to Love a Black Woman

Bauce Mag

If you let the #PassportBros or YouTube relationship gurus tell it, Black women aren’t worthy of love. We’re too difficult; too aggressive; too independent; too angry. We make too much money; have too much self-esteem; have too much ambition.


Let’s be clear: The following is not about the “strong Black woman” stereotype, because it is a negative, inaccurate and demeaning label placed on us. It does not take into account the reasons Black women are the way we are.


The strong Black woman that I’m talking about doesn’t fit into any stereotype. She is not angry, cold or challenging. She is not independent to the point where she makes life difficult for herself and those around her. She doesn’t have a desire to fill the role of a man, AT ALL, despite what social media says.


You want to love a Black woman? Here’s how…


1) Accept that she will need to do some things on her own.

Strong Black women aren’t damsels in distress. We do not desire for our partner to rush to fulfill our every command. The soul of a strong Black woman is to be independent. So, in order to love her, you must be comfortable with allowing her to do certain things on her own. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need you. It just means that like you, she wants to tap into and use her divinely appointed strength.


2) Support her passion, purpose and current position in life.

What makes a strong Black woman a “strong Black woman” is her confidence and ability to go after what she wants in life. She does not find excuses, and she makes facing obstacles look easy. Keyword: LOOK.

She is not superwoman. She is not here to save the day. She has the same anxieties, fears, concerns and worries that others have.

And that’s where you come in. Serve as a source of inspiration for her as she journeys to become her higher self. Allow her to show—and reveal in her own time—all aspects of her being. A loving, genuine, supportive partner is everything.


3) Sensuality is key.

If you’re going to be with a strong Black woman, recognize that she is a sensual, delicate human being. That tough exterior used to face the world is easily let down given the right partner, energy and intentions. Understand that while she is a force to be reckoned with, she’s gentle and delicate. Every woman, no matter how aggressive she may be, desires to be free to relinquish some of that power.


4) Remember, the truth will set you free.

Strong Black women are intelligent and resourceful, so it’s pretty hard to pull the wool over their heads. Do yourself a favor and be as upfront about your intentions as possible. Strong Black women value those who grant them the freedom to choose. You might not always like the decisions they make, but one thing you will gain is their respect.


5) Do not be a doormat.

Your strength has to match hers. Present yourself as a doormat and you will be walked on. In order to have a successful, fulfilling relationship with a strong Black woman, you must be secure in who you are. She wants an equal, not an authoritarian or someone who agrees with everything she presents. Respectfully challenge her, express your disagreements and take control when you feel the need to.


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