Human nature is fascinating to me - always has been. I am amazed by people’s thought processes, reactions, preconceived notions, and belief systems. We create friendships with people who have the same interests as we do. A significant other is usually someone that is on the same page as we are. Even our careers, passions, and motivations in life are all based on our box - how big it is, how far we are willing to go outside of it, and what we are willing to put it in or keep from it. We set the stage for our lives, but many of us are not happy with what is being played out.
We all have things we want in our lives – lose weight, achieve a promotion or start a business, or be financially stable. We set a goal and repeat it to ourselves in our heads and aloud more times than we can count. We’ve written it down in the pretty journal we bought, on Post-it notes, to-do lists, perhaps even a carefully selected image to place on a vision board to inspire us. We have shared this goal with our family and friends, and declared that this is it – this is the time we are going to make it happen. So, why do we get in our own way?
Self-sabotage is when we take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals. It’s simply to avoid what we fear. This can affect just about every corner of our relationships, career goals, or personal goals.
You know, we are programmed to strive for goals because achieving them makes us feel good. The rush is an incentive to repeat that behavior. Truth is, we begin to worry about how we’re going to persevere. Then we start comparing ourselves to others. We become threatened by our own thoughts and anxiety.
The most common self-sabotage habits are:
1. Procrastination. It’s hard to shine when you don’t give yourself enough time. Begin to set deadlines to meet your goals.
2. Negative self-talk/Negative thinking. Your inner dialogue is always critical. Be patient and kind to yourself. You are all you’ve got.
3. Perfectionism. You tell yourself you can’t do something, because it’s not the right time or you don’t have what you need. Perfection is impossible to achieve. It’s just an excuse.
We struggle with self-sabotaging behavior when we don’t know what o expect. The fear of the unknown can make us feel unsure and anxiety begins to set in. Instead of moving forward with confidence, we respond to the whole situation negatively. We allow ourselves to crumble and then we wave the flag in defeat.
The best way I have found to counter this behavior is to be clear on what I am doing and lay down a solid plan for my goals. By having an intentional plan for each step, we will feel more confident about our intentions and what we’re doing. You can do this daily – thinking through how you will respond to situations, people and circumstances. You can take control of your life and kick self-sabotage behavior to the curb. You deserve to live the life you were meant to live.