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  • Writer's pictureArchuleta A. Chisolm

We May All Need to Mind Our Business

When I got married at 26-years-old, people started asking me when we would start having children, even before the reception was over. There was the constant questioning of when are you going to have children?and don’t you like children? I even received what’s wrong with you?

It always pained me that people could be so intrusive, hurtful and just plain nosey. I desperately wanted children and had to deal with all my friends becoming mothers. I was told to be happy for them and have faith knowing God could do it for me too. Well, motherhood never became a reality for me.

For many reasons, my marriage didn’t last. After the divorce, I was bombarded with a new set of questions, but not surprisingly from the same people. And the fact that I didn’t have any children as a result of the marriage made people feel sorry for me in the worst possible way.

What I learned from that was people who are unable to mind their own business are most likely internally miserable. They seek what they believe are faults or shortcomings within others just to make themselves feel better. Offering insight to someone whose present situation seems concerning or not moving at the pace you think it should can overstep boundaries.

For some reason, it is common for people to pass judgment on others' relationships. Don’t like their relationship? Just be happy it isn’t yours. If someone is happy and you simply don’t agree, do not offer your opinion if it wasn’t asked for. Being nosey can be triggering and hurtful.

If everyone just stopped offering their outlook on things and waited for it to be requested, there would be a whole lot less drama in this world.

For a while now, I’ve really been focusing on not being judgmental of other people. It’s a tricky resolution, because it’s hard to turn it into specific, manageable resolutions. What, exactly, do I do differently in my life to be less judgmental? I need to change the way I think. One of my helpful mantras, though, is to “Mind my own business.” I remind myself:

No one asked for my advice. Except in the instance when people specifically ask me for help with an issue, I should keep my advice to myself.

I don’t know the whole story. It’s very easy to assume that I understand a situation and to form a judgment when in fact, I understand almost nothing about what’s happening.

It doesn’t affect me. We see people on social media every day who get all worked up over people they don’t even know. And I mean really, truly annoyed. The truth is, we don’t know them! We can have opinions, for sure, but we don’t know these people and never even seen them in person. Why let yourself get so upset about something that has no possible effect on you?

Just because something makes you happy doesn’t mean that it will make someone else happy, and vice versa. You may think you have the perfect answer, when no one asked you a question. We have to learn to be focused on what it is we are doing; content with removing ourselves from things that just don’t concern us. Stay hydrated, and mind your business. You’ll be glad you did.


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