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  • Writer's pictureArchuleta A. Chisolm

Don't Let It Waste Your Time

Too Fab

There is something to be said when you can’t stop talking badly about your ex. Singer Ciara has been on the receiving end of her ex – rapper Future’s wrath ever since they broke up. She has moved on with her life, married Russell Wilson and they are happily making babies. Yet, Future has continued to speak badly about her and Russell. We’ve been over it.

In a recent interview, Ciara opened up about Future, recounting when she knew it was time to leave the relationship. "It's almost like your tastebuds change. You gotta also sometimes look in the mirror and reflect on yourself, like what are things that I could be doing differently in my life? I'm looking for a change but what does that mean?"

The 37-year-old had a relationship with Future, who is also the father of their son together, and they started dating in 2012. They seemed, by all accounts, a perfect match in ATL rap and R&B heaven but despite becoming engaged in 2013, the relationship came to an end a few months after Ciara gave birth to their son in 2014.

Back then, the word was that the split was due to Future's alleged infidelity. Now, Ciara is letting us know that her calling off the engagement nine years ago was more about coming to terms with hard truths about herself.

She admitted that becoming a mom was a wake-up call. "When you have a child, it's very important to me, it's no time to play around," Ciara shared. "I am now responsible for another life, so what am I doing, how am I thinking that through?"

"When you're tired, you're tired and don't nobody want to be tired all the time."

Quite honestly, the singer noted that another way she knew she was done with Future was when she became exasperated with their toxic relationship.

Some time ago, Former NFL linebacker Channing Crowder went viral after he called Russell Wilson “a f**king square” on his podcast The Pivot. Crowder went on to say, “If Russell didn’t have that bread, Ciara wouldn’t be with him.” In fact, he doubled down by hypothetically asking Ciara, “You’re going to leave Future for Russell Wilson?” As if somehow, she needed to be coached in her own life decisions towards a man that treated her like crap.

I remember letting that marinate, trying to figure out why Russell Wilson was constantly being talked about for outwardly showing love to his wife. And that just maybe, being in love with a good man is a normal thing. It’s this age-old dilemma of “bad boy” or “good guy.” I don’t want to go down the “toxic masculinity” rabbit hole, because I feel that term has become ubiquitous for any behavior or opinions by men, especially Black men, deemed socially unacceptable in a time of hypersensitivity and political correctness. Instead, let’s just stick to the facts.

So, the man she’d hoped to make her life-long partner and share a family with not only allegedly cheated on her but, what’s worse, denied the infidelity and then claimed he only proposed because he pitied her and felt pressured. Future repeatedly humiliated her in public including disclosing intimate details of their sex life, calling her a “bi**h” with “control issues” on Twitter, and referring to her as a professional “flop” and a “bad mom,” which became points in Ciara’s filed lawsuit against him.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “When you know better, you do better.” And that she did.

It’s never lost on me that regardless of what Black women say or do, we will be, at the very least, judged for filth. We’re not supposed to have agency over our bodies, our decisions, or our life. We’re not supposed to have joy, demand respect, or take up space.

I’d rather be talked about all day long than to wither away in something that doesn’t serve me anymore. That is what we all deserve.

“I want joy. I want to make sure my cup is full… Like I always say, don’t let anybody waste your time… I don’t care if it’s a relationship, friendship, or business — just don’t let it waste your time. It’s just not worth it.”

Ain’t that the truth.


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